Tinder: A Shakespearean Tale


Hark a tale of a short-lived romance. Thither once was a young fair maiden living in the fair city of Portland. She longed for a fling as long as the summer sun. She confided in her friends, “Doth thou know any men worthy of me time?” Online dating they cried shall bring thou new and exciting experiences. Swipe left or right but never lose thy head as many will be thy match but many will also be frauds in worn sheep’s clothing.

The fair maiden spent her days swiping left and right and matching with men not of great worth.

“Tinder be a tricky minx to conquer, my days shall be better spent reading the tales of faraway times where chivalry rides the midnight sky”, she said.

“As the summer sun comes to an early setting wherefore art thou Romeo? she wailed, “In tears I go to bed”.

Facebook came with a tale of love as the early sun rose. A man of fair skin, glasses the size of canons, and a cockiness better compared to that of a man seen on stage being praised by all the women in the land. Needless to say not worthy of the attention of such a fair maiden.

He said to her, “Tinder showed thou great voluptuousness to me, thy booty I need!”

“You are looking for a fling as long as the summer sun, are you interested in men as white as freshly bleached flour?” he spat.

“My trouser snake may be the largest thou has ever laid eyes upon if that helps put thy heart in great spirits as thy booty makes the trouser snake dance as though t was a snake charmer”.

1.Dick pic for the lady he gave.

The maiden being not thrown off by such things and being a woman of great courage gave a polite nod.

“Excuse me sir I am not interested in such things as those, please no longer spend your time messaging me in this way”, she told him.

“I do desire we may be better strangers”, she proclaimed.

“But fair maiden I thought a fling as long as the summer sun was what thou sought out?” he said.

“I do apologize I feel as though I have embarrassed myself and here is my sincere apology please wipe all from thy memory”, he said.

(Story based on true events)

1. Thank you to Kevin as when I told him this story we began a conversation on chivalry which ended in the line “Dick pick for the lady?” A little inappropriate but great material in the least lol


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